Sis, That's Not Love...It's A Soul Tie

Daizha Rae
May 5
5 min read

Updated: Sep 2

The Connection Between Trauma, Idolatry, & Ungodly Love

why you keep getting heartbroken (let's talk about it, sis)

Have you ever wondered why you keep experiencing heartbreak after heartbreak? The moment you think you found "the one" here comes another rejection. You're so used of breakups that they don't even phase you anymore because you expect them to come.

Then questions start to arise such as:

"Will I ever find true love?"
"What's wrong with me?"

Making you question your value and your worth. So you try to ease the pain jumping into a new relationship, hoping this time it'll be different, yet the pain just simply multiplies?

Girl... tell me about it. I've been there... done that.

But, what if I told you that what you're experiencing are actually just symptoms of a deeper issue that lies below the surface? Today, we're diving deep into the hidden root of:

Heartbreak 💔
Serial dating 🔁
Toxic love 💣
Addiction 🚬
Lust & Fornication 🫦

...and how these are ALL connected to unhealed trauma and hidden idolatry.

The first step to breaking free? Identifying the real issue. Because you can't heal a wound if you don't even know what's causing it.

Idolatry in disguise

We often think idolatry is bowing down and worshipping statues or money. But idolatry is ANYTHING we put above God.

It can look like:

Relationships 👥
Materialism 💎
Sex 💋
Physical Appearance/Vanity 💄
Food 🍟

...the list goes on.

When we are hurting, we naturally crave relief. We gravitate towards whatever feels good in the moment, whether it's a person, success, or a toxic behavior.

And catch this, the thing that we gravitate towards may not even be a bad thing. What makes it become dangerous is when it takes a place in your heart that belongs to God alone.

It may comfort at first but, sis...the enemy is a master deceiver. What looks like comfort is actually bondage in disguise.

How trauma pulls us in

God is love, and design human love to be sacred. But when we have been hurt through experiences like molestation, rape, child abuse, domestic violence, or anything of that nature, those experiences distort our ability to give, receive, and recognize true love.

Unhealed trauma is like an open, bleeding wound And it makes a crave things like:

Love ❤️
Validation ✅
Control 🔒
Escape 🏃🏽‍♀️

That's why so many of us:

Hop from relationship to relationship ( desperate for "the one")
Stay in unhealthy love cycles ( mistaking love for lust)
Turn to addictions ( drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, masturbation, even social media)
Fall into sexual sin ( seeking intimacy but settling for counterfeit love)

We desperately search for comfort... only to end up more broken.

The idol of pain

Sometimes, without realizing it, we worship our pain. 😖

We do things like:

Replay traumatic events over and over. When you replay trauma on a loop, it's the same as constantly picking at a scab that is trying to heal. Instead of allowing the scab to heal, the wound continuously remains open leaving it prone to infection
Adopt a victim mentality. Fostering a victim mentality shatters you identity. You start to believe things like: "I'm just the girl who always gets hurt" or "I'll never find true love". This blnds your ability to see your true worth, and you end up settling instead of waiting the person God has for you.
Make heartbreak apart of our identity. When you make heartbreak your identity, you unknowingly give the enemy legal access to wreak havoc in yout love life. You start to attract what you believe you deserve. Which keeps you in a cycle of choosing unhealthy partners, or pushing away healthy connections because toxic feels familiar.

The enemy loves to keep you in cycles, when GOD is calling you freedom, healing and wholeness.

heartbreak + fornication: the connection

God designed sex to be scared, and within the covenant of marriage. But trauma distorts our thinking, causing us to confuse:

Sex with love.
Chemistry with commitment,
Counterfeit with God sent.

And the result? Fornication, heartbreak, and soul ties that trap us in bondage.

Every time we give away what's sacred, outside of God's original design, we become more enslaved.

The cycle looks like this: Pain > Seek comfort in sin > Feel worse > Repeat

BREAKING FREE: GOD'S BLUEPRINT FOR WHOLENESS

Acknowledge the truth. This is the time to be real with you self and with God. What have you been turning to for comfort? What areas in your life have you compromised?

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." ~ John 8:32

Confess & Repent. Repentance is not about shame, it's about RESET. Bring every idol and sin before God knowing that He is waiting with His arms open wide, ready to forgive and restore you.

"Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and heal their land." ~ 2 Chronicles 7:14

Cut It Off. Strongholds needs to be broken spiritually AND practically. Stop engaging in behaviors that keep you bound. Break free through prayer, obedience, and wise choices.

"I advise you to obey only the Holy Spirit's instructions. He will tell you where to go and what to do, and then you won't always be doing the wrong things your evil nature wants to do." ~Galatians 5:16

Replace the Lies. Fill the void of the lie with the truth of God's word.

LIE: "I need a relationship to complete me"
TRUTH: "God has made me complete in Christ" ~ Colossians 2:10

LIE: "I can't break free from this."

TRUTH: " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" ~ Philippians 4:13

LIE: I'll never heal from this pain."

TRUTH: "God is close to those whose hearts have been broken. He saves those whose spirits have been crushed." ~ Psalm 34:18

Heal the Root.
Seek therapy or inner healing through prayer and activities such as journaling, reading. art, or exercising. This will help you to express, and process your emotions in a healthy manner that contributes to your overall well being. Remember healing is a journey, not a sprint. There is no "perfect time" to heal. During this process be patient with yourself and extend grace. Never be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

"He is the healer of the brokenhearted. He is the one who bandages their wounds." ~ Psalm 147:3

Be Intentional About Your Purity.
Purity is not about perfection, it's an act of daily surrender. It's making an intentional choice to put your wellbeing over comfort.

"With all your heart you must trust the Lord, and not your own judgement." ~ Proverbs 3:5

sis... you deserve god's best don't settle for a counterfeit

God is not mad at you. He is elevating you. He loves you so much that He won't allow you to settle for less than you deserve. He wants to heal your heart, set you free, and lead you into a true, lasting love that rooted in Him.

This is your season to: